Tuesday, July 03, 2012



You may need to do this several times. If after doing this exercise the situation or person still brings up emotion, repeat the following day or more until it feels "flat". Do this no more than once a day.


Stabbed in the back by a “frenemy”

Unfortunately, many of us have had this experience. Someone you thought was a friend turned around and betrayed you. Maybe she started a cyber-bullying campaign against you. Maybe he slandered you to the boss. Maybe she seduced your boyfriend.

Whatever happened, you can still feel the knife in your back. And it hurts. You lost more than just a friendship. You lost trust in that person, and you may have also lost trust in your ability to choose friends wisely.

Other than indulging in revenge fantasies, what can you do so you don’t have to carry around that painful connection to a “frenemy?”

There is a shamanic technique I learned long ago that can recover your energy lost in the encounter and disconnect you from that person. It’s a simple but powerful technique.

My blog on the Huffington Post about how to remove that virtual knife from your back:

There was a gal I knew in college -- let's call her Lola -- who delighted in sleeping with the boyfriends of other girls. Lola would get friendly with the couple, the unsuspecting gal would start to trust Lola, and wham! Lola would seduce her guy. Lola got whatever Lola wanted, and you got an energetic knife in the back. As the saying goes, with friends like these, who needs enemies?

One minute you're red-hot furious at Lola; you'd like to poke out her eyes and drop-kick her across town. The next minute you're wondering what you did wrong. How come you didn't see this coming? Aren't you sexy enough for him? Too fat? Too flat-chested? Too bossy?

You may start to feel like you've got a constant cold, your immune system is shot, you're gaining weight from drowning your sorrows in ice cream, you've let yourself go, and you're just so tired all the time. Where has your energy, your passion for life, gone? Other than going after Lola with a pitchfork, what can you do to put this experience behind you?

You can remove the energetic connection you have with Lola or, for that matter, with anyone who has stuck a proverbial knife in your back. Maybe it was placed there by a jealous co-worker, relative or ex; energetically, they all work the same. Indigenous peoples knew that energy was real, even though it couldn't be seen. They knew how to remove virtual knives. One of their techniques that works well and I can pass it on to you.

Here are five simple steps to remove a virtual knife from your back:

1. Sit with your eyes closed.

2. Picture your Lola in front of you. Visualize her in as much detail as possible, including her surroundings.

3. Breathe in as you turn your head from the center to the left; breathe out as you turn your head over to the right. Breathe in, head to left, breathe out, head to right. Keep picturing your Lola as she comes more sharply into focus.

4. As you continue the breathing pattern, recall the events that happened until there is nothing left to process emotionally. This may take 10 or 15 minutes, and you may want to repeat it several days in a row, until you feel very little emotion during the process.

5. Disconnect each time you do the exercise by doing three sweeping motions with the head -- right, left, right -- but with no breath. Let your head come to rest in the center.

The shamans of ancient Mexico teach that the breath in this exercise retrieves your energy from the scene and disconnects you from the negativity sent your way. By breathing in from right to left while remembering a feeling, your breath picks up your spent energy, and it's the expenditure of your own energy that is so aging. The exhalation from left to right gets rid of any unwanted energy left in your own energy field. I teach shamanic techniques like this one in my new book, "Be Your Own Shaman."

Chances are, you'll feel more vital and alive after the exercise. And you know you're much, much wiser now about whom you'll choose to befriend next time.

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